Tag Archives: thomas muller

Euro 2012 Predictions

So our next favorite competition after the past Champions League, is finally here! Well almost…but Euro 2012 is going to anything and everything but boring (*knock on wood!*).  We’ve got huge Germans to little Spaniards, to the divers of Italy, and the parkers of buses from England.  Not to mention all the beautiful, talented, and rich people who will be going there—and by people we mean Cristiano Ronaldo.  There’s a lot of stuff you can’t miss, so you better check out the schedule, stock up on your favorite R-OH beverage, and wait! While you wait, here are our predictions for the unknown winners….

(posted first in offsidehumor.tumblr.com but originally found on @kidnutella’s twitter)

What would happen if…

Netherlands won the EURO 2012: Robben’s ego will be the only one inflated and the rest would still be a little disappointed that they let the world cup slip through their hands.

Portugal won: Cristiano Ronaldo would be an even bigger man-whore.

Spain won: The El Clasicos would make even more money and probably escalate the rivalry until every manager would want nothing to do with it.

Germany won: No one would be really surprised.  Except maybe Spain. and thomas muller

Sweden won: Zlatan Ibrahimovic would want his autobiography “I am Zlatan” to be read as a holy scripture

Italy won: all national teams would practice the art of diving

Greece won: Roman Abramovich would sell Chelsea and own Olympiacos and buy out C. Ronaldo, Iniesta/Xavi, Lionel Messi…and both Pep and Jose

Republic of Ireland: The entire UK will start, continue, and end their day with guinness.

England won: we would never hear the end of it and Wayne Rooney would probably off himself.

France won: the Irish would say they deserved it due to the result of Thierry Henry’s handball (his handball allowed France to qualify for the World Cup while Ireland drank themselves to death)

Ukraine won: Every country would want to host the Euros.

 

So there you have it! Any other predictions the comment box is right there.

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A Jose Mourinho Interview

So here we go again! offsidehumor is proud to present an actual written review about the Champions League match of Bayern Munchen vs. Real Madrid.  This will be a different type of review/interview since we have a celebrity guess, courtesy of Jose Mourinho.


Mourinho’s Black Book:
1) Blame the refs
2) Slow ballboys
3) Something with Barcelona
…4)Buy Milk.”

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Offsidehumor: Oh boy That was one exciting match! I really can’t believe you guys lost!  The beginning of the first half was intense especially on Real Madrid’s side.  You guys pressed the Bavarians for a good 10 minutes.  Once you guys set the pace, I was sure you guys had this match in the bag.  But how did you feel when Ribery scored so suddenly on that corner kick?

Jose Mourinho: If you squint your eyes, you can clearly see he [Ribery] was in an offside position.  This is clearly the ref’s fault that the ball crossed the goal line.  Why did Ribery score?  Ask Uefa.  Was I surprised? Honestly, yes.  Surprised that UEFA wants Barcelona to win.

Mourinho on fouling: “Clearly this match was rigged from the beginning.  Look at this clear card the referee missed.  It’s because they’re all cheering for Barcelona!!”

Offsidehumor:  I don’t see where Barcelona fits into the equation…But the referee did give out cards for players who fouled.  Including Bayern Munchen.

Mourinho on ref giving out cards to Bayern:Eeeeyy….I was just kidding

Offsidehumor:  Erratic reactions are common in big games like this.  Can you explain what was going on in your mind right after Gomez scored in the 90th minute?  Can you explain the photo I’m about to show you:

Jose Mourinho on the photo above:I reacted that way because that goal was also unfair.  Casillas was clearly not ready for that goal, therefore it shouldn’t be allowed.  Here, I will show you my photo:

…..as for my body position…I didn’t get a chance to use the toilet during half-time.

Offsidehumor: Okay…Well during stoppage time, Marcelo once again performed a dirty tackle on Thomas Muller reminiscent of the one against Cesc Fabregas.

Mourinho on Marcelo’s tackle: Marcelo just mistaken Muller as Fabregas thats all.  Let’s be honest, he’s not really the brightest crayon in the box.

Offsidehumor: So if it was Cesc, that tackle would be okay?

Mourinho: Ehh…next question por favor.

Offsidehumor: Well that’s all the questions I have.  Thanks for the insight.  Oh by the way, Mario Gomez said that they can’t wait to set Madrid on fire for the return leg.  Any comments?

Mourinho: *writes in notepad and smirks*(…Finally something to talk about during the press conference) …Perdon? Gomez said what?

HO HO HO! Santa’s football wishlist

In the spirit of X-mas we managed to peek at Santa’s secret list and checked what the multi-millionaire, major figures in football want for X-mas.

EPL
Sir Alex Ferguson- for Manchester City to keep Tevez
Wayne Rooney- a red card
(Chelsea manager) Andre Villas-Boas- to sell Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres- a goal
(MCFC manager)Mancini- wants Balotelli to stay on his Xanax regiment
MCFC PRs-wants a break from Balotelli
Micah Richards (MCFC)- wants Balotelli to pass the ball to him
Mario Balotelli- for everything to revolve around himself
Arsene Wenger- to win something this season
Van Persie- to stop carrying an entire team on his back
Gareth Bale- FC Barcelona (just kidding.)

Bundesliga
Thomas Muller- win EURO 2012
Mario Gomes- win EURO 2012
Toni Kroos- win EURO 2012

La Liga
Jose Mourinho- wants to find more excuses for why RM keeps losing El Clasicos
Pep Guardiola- new line-ups to keep people guessing
Messi- to keep playing football
David Villa-understand offsides rule
Cristiano Ronaldo- people to like him
Pepe/Marcelo/Ramos- injure an FCB player
Xavi- space, space, space
Gerard Pique/Carles Puyol/Cesc Fabregas- to own Twitter