Tag Archives: Cristiano Ronaldo

Euro 2012 Predictions

So our next favorite competition after the past Champions League, is finally here! Well almost…but Euro 2012 is going to anything and everything but boring (*knock on wood!*).  We’ve got huge Germans to little Spaniards, to the divers of Italy, and the parkers of buses from England.  Not to mention all the beautiful, talented, and rich people who will be going there—and by people we mean Cristiano Ronaldo.  There’s a lot of stuff you can’t miss, so you better check out the schedule, stock up on your favorite R-OH beverage, and wait! While you wait, here are our predictions for the unknown winners….

(posted first in offsidehumor.tumblr.com but originally found on @kidnutella’s twitter)

What would happen if…

Netherlands won the EURO 2012: Robben’s ego will be the only one inflated and the rest would still be a little disappointed that they let the world cup slip through their hands.

Portugal won: Cristiano Ronaldo would be an even bigger man-whore.

Spain won: The El Clasicos would make even more money and probably escalate the rivalry until every manager would want nothing to do with it.

Germany won: No one would be really surprised.  Except maybe Spain. and thomas muller

Sweden won: Zlatan Ibrahimovic would want his autobiography “I am Zlatan” to be read as a holy scripture

Italy won: all national teams would practice the art of diving

Greece won: Roman Abramovich would sell Chelsea and own Olympiacos and buy out C. Ronaldo, Iniesta/Xavi, Lionel Messi…and both Pep and Jose

Republic of Ireland: The entire UK will start, continue, and end their day with guinness.

England won: we would never hear the end of it and Wayne Rooney would probably off himself.

France won: the Irish would say they deserved it due to the result of Thierry Henry’s handball (his handball allowed France to qualify for the World Cup while Ireland drank themselves to death)

Ukraine won: Every country would want to host the Euros.

 

So there you have it! Any other predictions the comment box is right there.

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Aside

It’s hard to be Cristiano Ronaldo.  No, it’s not because he’s a worldclass football player, rich, tan within an inch of his life, or (to most women…and men) “good-looking”, it’s hard to be CR7 because of the massive ego a … Continue reading

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Mourinho’s Ploy: Messi’s New Adidas Shoes

Messi: "A free trophy AND free shoes!? Messi-gusta!"

As you may have heard (under all those Balotelli headlines in the media) Lionel Messi has won yet another Ballon d’Or trophy for being the best footballer out there.  It’s his three consecutive win for this award and *knock on wood* it won’t be his last.  On top of that, Adidas wants his to wear a pair of obnoxious colored boots to match his obnoxious trophy room.  But is our favorite velvet wearing football player in for sabotage?

These shoes seem as heavy as those 3 trophies!

Underneath all the good news are these golden colored Adidas cleats.  I’m up for a player being flashy on the pitch, as long as their personality lives up to it.  Case and point, Cristiano Ronaldo, pops the collar (totally not part or function of the uniform), unnecessary step-overs, slick hair, and obnoxious colored shoes.  It’s good, it WORKS.  Messi on the other hand, efficient, not flamboyant, total football.  These shoes seemed like a weird pairing for him.  But unreliable online sources say that Mourinho set this whole thing up to finally stop the unstoppable Lionel Messi.  It may just look like golden shoes but in reality they ARE golden shoes.  That’s probably another 20 pounds Lionel has to run around with.  And I doubt that he’ll reject wearing these hideous boots in fear of losing another crappy Adidas ad–that everyone (including myself) will probably youtube eventually.

Mourinho: "He won't even know what hit him..."

Yet another build up for the El Clasico.

HELLO 2012! (post via offsidehumor.tumblr.com)

Well it’s a new year and it has been officially named 2012! You know what that means–more matches, rivalries, idiotic decisions, and yup you guessed it–the dreaded winter transfer rumors/window.  To spare you from reading more transfer rumors, like Fernando Torres moving to Barca (as if 2012 really is the year when the world ends…) or Barca making a bid for Fernando Torres…as if 2012 is the year when the world loses their minds, we’d like to present you New Years Resolutions!

Famous football New Years Resolution:

1.)Carlos Tevez- to stay at Man City and continue leeching off their money, or move to another team to leech off their money

2.)Zlatan Ibrohimovic- wants to make his book “I am Zlatan” as an official holy scripture

3.) Cristiano Ronaldo- learn how to spontaneously combust a specific unnamed player so he can finally be the best in the world  (a pretty messi tactic but what can you do…)

4.)David Silva- wants to get a couple of centimeters shorter to finally fit into the “false 9” role in the Spanish NT

5.)Gareth Bale- learn Spanish for his “imminent move” to Barcelona

6.)Alexis Sanchez- wants to become a stand-up comedian so his team can understand his jokes better

7.)Xavi Hernandez-wants to move his head like an owl to truly have 360 degree view of the pitch

8.)Mario Balotelli- promises Mancini he will take Xanax (*fingers crossed*) to keep MCFC’s PR team form quitting

9.)van Persie- to convince himself that loyalty to a team is more important than titles

10.)Lionel Messi- to keep playing football in hopes for more lollipops from Pep

If you *hear* more, please share =)

HO HO HO! Santa’s football wishlist

In the spirit of X-mas we managed to peek at Santa’s secret list and checked what the multi-millionaire, major figures in football want for X-mas.

EPL
Sir Alex Ferguson- for Manchester City to keep Tevez
Wayne Rooney- a red card
(Chelsea manager) Andre Villas-Boas- to sell Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres- a goal
(MCFC manager)Mancini- wants Balotelli to stay on his Xanax regiment
MCFC PRs-wants a break from Balotelli
Micah Richards (MCFC)- wants Balotelli to pass the ball to him
Mario Balotelli- for everything to revolve around himself
Arsene Wenger- to win something this season
Van Persie- to stop carrying an entire team on his back
Gareth Bale- FC Barcelona (just kidding.)

Bundesliga
Thomas Muller- win EURO 2012
Mario Gomes- win EURO 2012
Toni Kroos- win EURO 2012

La Liga
Jose Mourinho- wants to find more excuses for why RM keeps losing El Clasicos
Pep Guardiola- new line-ups to keep people guessing
Messi- to keep playing football
David Villa-understand offsides rule
Cristiano Ronaldo- people to like him
Pepe/Marcelo/Ramos- injure an FCB player
Xavi- space, space, space
Gerard Pique/Carles Puyol/Cesc Fabregas- to own Twitter

Cristiano Ronaldo Talks Out of His Ass

T here’s a new force to be reckoned with in the footballing blogosphere, and it comes in the orange face of Cristiano Ronaldo.  For those who are living under a rock, or just super ignorant when it comes to football, Cristiano Ronaldo found something new to whine about in his team Real Madrid.  He claims that crowds boo him because..

“I’m good looking, rich, and a great footballer.”

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