Okay, let’s face it the new aesthetic in football is parking the bus. It’s becoming a sure but long way of winning these days. You may have not known this, as closet (but now open) Barca fan, I regrettably retreated in my dark cave, and tried forcefully to swallow my tongue when I found out Chelsea won. But alas, I failed and now I have a chance to see Barcelona’s Copa Del Rey final. Something tells me this is another chance to see failure.
Why? Let’s look at the facts. Pep has just resigned as Barca manager. Unfortunate but understandable. Tito is now appointed (officially!) as manager of the FC Barcelona first team– right before a final. You can see see this in a good and bad way. First the bad (since depression seems to follow Barca fans like a shadow lately…)– the bad side is players will probably be extremely confused when Tito will (I pray to the football Gods) actually pick a sensible line-up. That’s the bad side, now here’s the good. The good side is FC Barcelona will finally get a sensible starting line-up where players don’t get confused when they’ve just found out they’re placed in the keepers box in place of Victor Valdez. Rumor has it, that Tito isn’t a fan of picking line-ups out of a hat and getting a little too fancy with the formations.
Where does the failure part come it? Well, once again, because FC Barcelona is all for traditions, we’ve been hit by another plague of injuries. There’s Puyol’s knee surgery (one defender out), Dani Alves and his mysterious collar bone (defender 2 out), soleus issues, muscle discomfort..(can we throw in a hamstring injury? *knock on wood*)…But you get the point. It’s either Barca players really do time their injuries at the same time, or…we can blame Shakira (just kidding…unless it’s a valid explanation).
Pep: Ok baby Barca boys….ugh…(I’m getting to old for this…)
Pep needs to recruit from our reserve, no not our bench, our other OTHER reserve. FC Barcelona’s famous B team just jacked up with talented yet inexperienced players. Who knows how they’ll do…That photo shows Sergio Roberto… he’s no defender. So we’re basically out of defenders…Do we still count Gerard Pique? (Damn you Shakira).
Pep: COPY MESSI! BE MESSI!
In a recent training session following the clasico, Pep finally tried to implement Messi’s training style in hopes for his other players to learn from the talented superstar. Luckily, only newcomer Cesc Fabregas took Pep seriously.
Xavi: Here it goes again...
Cesc: "What's Messi doing over there..."
Cesc: Messi has an interesting method....
Cesc: How does being a seal help you in football?..
Puyol: (Has no one told Cesc yet…)
Messi: Masch, not too much effort, okay?
Pep: *sigh*....this isn't working...
Messi: Pep I did good, so I play next match? yay!
Pep’s plan didn’t really work out but thankfully he has a group of talented, able-bodied players for Villareal to play against.
You may know Jose Mourinho as the pseudo-mind playing-extra ballboy-chosen one, but he also earned his credential as a master insulter. After yet another unfair match against Barcelona, yes these opinions are starting to become as frequent as the el clasico’s themselves, Mourinho took his complaints one step further and decided to go straight to the source of why he and his team of models lost the match against Barcelona.
Against all warnings, he risked his life for a couple of minutes in the territory of Camp Nou, just so he can have a “talk” with the refs. Reports say he insulted them for probably causing Real Madrid a shot at the Copa del Rey title, but it was most likely for causing them to lose to Barcelona…(again). He apparently insulted the poor refs (who actually made the game pretty even since ALL calls on BOTH teams were pretty terrible) for not letting them qualify.
Mourinho (to the refs): We were the better team today. We deserved less unfair calls against Barcelona. Our 20 something fouls earned us the right to go to the semis.
Ref: Yeah but the final aggregate score was 4-3 Barcelona. You can’t change the numbers.
Mourinho: But I can change you….and the assistant ref. And the linesman, and the ballboys. Not to mention the people in UNICEF…. ESPECIALLY the people in UNICEF.
The only thing Mou isn’t blaming is the universe.
Wait, he blamed that last season…
Yet another clasico will be coming, and in Iker’s words, “it’s getting decaffeinated” because they’re getting so frequent. I have to disagree because from the looks of it, Barcelona is still preparing like it’s an EL clasico. We have a picture and conversation of Leo Messi and lieutenant wing-man, Adriano, about their preparation for the clasico:
Messi: Adriano, how do you think Real Madrid will look in this weeks el clasico?
Adriano: Well, I know they’re going to hit us fast with counters. Cristiano can meg Pinto as many times as he wants, and Pique probably won’t be there to save him unless Puyi plays. They might go the defensive route and park the bus since they’re only down by 1 goal. I mean, if it goes down to penalty kick (might as well meg Pinto 5 more times..) we might as well give them the Copa del Rey title. Why? How do you think they’ll look?
Messi: . . .
To add to offsidehumor’s point of view here are a couple of player reviews on the match, via twitter.
Mourinho (thinking..):Must make him spontaneously combust...
So for those of you who didn’t watch this match. Hard to believe since everyone in bloggosphere and twitter have been raving about the recent flood of el clasicos. But once again we’re back in square one–worrying about the next one coming up in less than a week. (I’m pretty sure the league planned these, rather than draw them…)
The beginning of the match Cristiano Ronaldo (of course) megs an embarrassed Pinto.
Cristiano Ronaldo: "Agh! Too late to dive now!"
Iniesta: "Maybe if I pretend to have the ball they'll all chase me!"
Pique: "*Pssstt* you can stop now Pepe, I think he won't give one out.."
Pique: "What?! But I didn't use my hands this time!"
Pep: "Offside??! C'mon ref, it's my birthdayyyy"
Sanchez does his best impression of a seal (unfortunately no goal)
Puyol beaks Newton’s law of gravity
Xavi: Come back down to earth!
Abidal whips out his guns
Abidal: Bang! Bang! Casillas
Messi gets bored
Messi: If it's raining...why am I not wet?
Cristiano Ronaldo: Mourinho said if I think REAL hard, he might explode...
Photographer: Can we go one match without a player losing their clothes?...
Get his Predator braids on.