Cristiano Ronaldo Talks Out of His Ass

T here’s a new force to be reckoned with in the footballing blogosphere, and it comes in the orange face of Cristiano Ronaldo.  For those who are living under a rock, or just super ignorant when it comes to football, Cristiano Ronaldo found something new to whine about in his team Real Madrid.  He claims that crowds boo him because..

“I’m good looking, rich, and a great footballer.”

We all know Cristiano Ronaldo is a self-absorbed, uber-metrosexual, who crusades the word of tanning.  But during his free time he also dabbles in football.  CRon is no doubt an excellent player.  He has the physique, the moves, and not to mention dramatics.  So with all the pros of a good footballer working towards him, one should think how crowds can still boo at him.  When he plays, he showboats.  One ticket. One match. One show.  Who can argue with that?

"The Pose"

Even people who don’t even like football can’t get mad at CRon.  Designers like Armani love to show off their designs (or lack there of) by showing a half-nude Ronaldo.  On the pitch he even coined a signature pose that can make the best top models envious.  Lastly, Real Madrid hailed his jersey the highest selling jersey in the world.  The bottom line he’s a skilled footballer, performer, and a money maker.

Having the highest selling jersey can mean he has plenty of fans.  So why is Cristiano complaining of why people are complaining?

His downfall is everything that made him famous.  Before he came to Real Madrid he played forManchester United.  Rumor has it he was also president of the secret diving society club in the Premier Leauge.  Back in his EPL days he had a penchant for coke-snorting hookers and making poor life choices.    No doubt moving to Real Madrid straightened out some of these attributes.  For example, he now dates super model Irina Shayk and is a full-fledged father of baby Cristiano Ronaldo Jr.

But one thing Cristiano failed to tame is his mouth.  Cristiano Ronaldo makes certain remarks that are completely narcissistic, thereby pissing people off, and then later victimizing himself. Most people think it’s idiotic.  I for one find it hilarious.  Footballers aren’t usually the brightest crayon in the box, and Cristiano plays this stereotype to the max.

He’s also learning from his master Jose Mourinho.  Cristiano now lives by the mottos: “When something goes wrong, blame the ref” or “If all else fails, it’s the linesman fault” and lastly, “when there is nothing else to talk about…blame the ballboys”.  During a recent press conference Cristiano Ronaldo said:

“It’s sad because referees say they will protect the most skillful players, but while others can’t be touched, I am fouled all the time. I hope this referee never takes charge of another of our games because he is an embarrassment. “

He was commenting on Marcelo’s sending off during their most recent Champions League game.  It might be the ref’s fault.  BUT (and I’m just throwing this out there) Marcelo’s fault for earning 2 yellows.  Also players are fouled all the time, football is a contact sport.  You shouldn’t be complaining because worse people get fouled on.  Just ask Cesc Fabregas during the SuperCopa match agasint Real Madrid.  An idiotic player decides to scissor chop Cesc’s leg during the last seconds of the game.

Not only does Cristiano run his mouth accusing people of crimes while idolizing himself, but he is also oblivious to any other players outside Real Madrid.  Which further magnifies how much of an egomaniac he is.

So if Cristiano ever reads this, assuming he can read, just keep your mouth shut.  I’m sure you can build a less aggressive following that way.

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